Yesterday evening I was chatting with a friend in a really difficult relationship and that made me think of my own past really bad relationship and how I got out of it.

And the thing is that I did get out, but I don't really know how. I can point to a set of factors that were instrumental to it - work with my therapist, some personal realizations, a few other things - but there was no triggering event. One day I left work and I went to my parents' place instead of my home and I asked them if I could stay for a while because I couldn't bear it any more. Nothing had happened that day. There was no crisis, no fight, no moment of deep realization, nothing. I just left.

(My relationship didn't end that day, it would linger for many months, but from that moment I was safe and things could change.)

So that's what I'd like to tell people in abusive situations - with partners, family, whoever. If you have a place to go where you'll be safe (and I know it's a big "if"), you can just leave. I don't mean it's easy, I really fucking know it isn't, I remained in that shitshow for 7 years. But you don't need a crisis. You don't need to wait for things to escalate. You don't need an extra justification. If you can and want, just leave.